procrastination & prayer

procrastination & prayer

forgive me, oh blog followers. this is my 1st blog post in 3 weeks & i apologize. i really do.

it’s just that procrastination is my nemesis. i find myself putting off new blog posts because they take so damn much time.

but, i learned something important today that i need to tell you about. it’s about control, i guess you could say.

control as it relates to prayer.

there’s a heartbreaking tragedy going on in someone’s life who’s close to me right now. a dear friend – her brother was in a crazy freak accident, bitten by a rattlesnake of all things after finishing a 5-mile run on the exercise trail behind the hospital where he works. venom went straight into his vein & pumped through his body at an astronomical speed. none of it makes sense. it’s all just so bizarre.

the man is a father, a husband, a brother, a son. a surgeon. in fact, it was between surgeries when he took his run. he’s been on life support & a respirator for coming on a week now. they found a second set of bite marks – not just on his ankle, but his wrist, too. & now, pneumonia has set in. just where it’s all going — well, who knows really? God does, i suppose.

of course, He does.

i’ve been overcome with sadness – so sad for my friend his sister, his dad, his wife & kids. his patients, present & future. a tremendous sadness like one i’ve never felt. so many tears. it’s been all i think about.

the prayers i’ve said – what i’ve said… please God, save his life. his work here on earth isn’t finished. Jesus, raise him up like Lazarus — i know you can. he’s got so much more to do.

struggling, i called another friend this morning. my special phone-friend who helps me talk through difficult things. he’s the kind of person who’s a real truth meter, who i feel safe telling anything to.

SPOILER ALERT — i’m one those “woo-woo” people. i guess you could say i have an open-minded approach to things i don’t understand, & if that’s a turn-off to some people — sorry. but, writing this blog, i’ve got to keep it real. know what i mean?

so, i told him everything i’ve just told you. plus, that with how i’m so consumed with it, it’s like i’m involved on such a personal level. my friend’s brother & i knew each other in college. not well — she was my roommate & he would come to visit, but i was always super-crazy about him. he was her younger brother, for heavens sake, so don’t get the wrong idea. but there was something there. i’m not sure what, but it was something.

these overwhelming feelings of mine have to do with a past-life experience between us. i know it sounds weird, i can’t explain it & i can’t prove it, but it came over me with such sudden intensity, i knew it sure as chocolate when the words spilled out of my mouth to my friend on the phone.

i also felt like this past-life thing between my roommate’s brother & me, my overwhelming feelings have to do with the fact that i was unable to save him before. unable to get there on time. like i said — something. something deeper. it was personal.

praying – more like demanding that God save his life, my trying to impose my will on roommate’s brother, how do i know what his will is for himself? And, what God’s will is for him?

i don’t. it’s none of my business, really. it’s their business. together.

& as soon as my phone-friend helped me understand this, i was able to give up my wanting to control. it wasn’t immediate. it took a little while because i really want him to live. & i’m pretty stubborn.

but, a feeling of peace & calm came over me. it’s what i’ve felt ever since.

control. i have none. over anyone but myself.

in case you think i’m giving up on prayer — not a chance. those things i don’t understand, i’m not always going to. faith. trust. it’s what i have for now.

His will be done.

11 responses

    • Thank you so much. This was a real toughie to write – just so personal, but yet the situation touches other people who are much, much closer to the man that I & it felt a little – well, a lot odd, not coming across as if my connection is… oh, I don’t know. maybe you understand what I’m saying.

      I also did something I’ve never done before… I deleted the original post entirely because the intro seemed a little too flip — just inappropriate for the serious subject matter and reposted it altogether. I believe my former roommate, the man’s sister, had already read the original, but I didn’t want to offend anyone in any way.

      anyway — I’m glad you liked it, SG. thank you.

      xo

      Like

      • A comment from the original deleted post that I just had to share…

        Liza Orchard commented on procrastination & prayer:

        “Martha, fabulous expression of your experience with your friend’s brother. Thanks for sharing. I’m a little woo-woo, too.”

        Approved

        Like

  1. HIS WILL BE DONE! PURE JOY

    This is a FB post from Liza Orchard

    David Mullins Status,(Holly Mullins Vinella’s brother): Today is a good day! David is in there! He seems to know what’s going on. Squeezing hands, eye contact. He’s surrounded by family and friends. Imagine, if you will, being a well known doctor in a community of doctors and medical professionals who know him. All those experts!
    One hour, one day at a time. The David I know will remain a champion in this fight. Keep those prayers coming, the candles burning, intentions intending and whatever else you’re doing. This fight is long from over. Thank you to all following David’s progress, praying for his valiant recovery…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I heard that he was not doing okay. Please update me as I would like to know truth from rumor. We worked together for years and it was very upsetting to me.

    Like

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