the makeup artist

the makeup artist

a good friend of mine is one – a makeup artist. she’s got a resume long as your arm – movies, mini-series, politicians on tv, all of that cool stuff, & she knows dishy gossip galore … celebs tell you a lot while you’re an inch from their face, knowing that you’re in charge of whether they look hellish or heavenly in front of the camera & they better not piss you off.

anyway, maybe i’m weird, but it’s just that another meaning for the term “makeup artist” popped into my head when my friend & i were @ dinner last week.

wait a minute — you’re wanting to know if she’s done johnny depp, right? dunno. i’ll ask her & get back with you.

his makeup. get your mind out of the gutter.

so, anyway — i was thinking that, couldn’t a makeup artist be someone who’s realllly good at making up after a fight?

like, within my dysfunctional family of origin, here’s how it works. the only way you know someone’s mad at you is when you get the silent treatment. the quiet game. whatever you want to call it, the phone doesn’t ring.

until, one day…

hello?
that’s me.

how are you?
pretend that’s my sister.
chipper tone.
it’s been 3 months since we’ve spoken —
highly unusual because we talk all the time.

i’m good
me again.
neutral tone.
notice how I didn’t say something snarky like,
“oh, so we’re talking now?”
that would be poor form.

well, that’s good.
my sister again.
see how she doesn’t say, “i’ve been being a shit-turd,”
or, heaven forbid, “i was wrong?”

guess what?
still her.

you’re absolutely NOT gonna believe it.
it’s her breathless, secret-confidential-gossipy, voice.
the one i just love.

tell me.
hear the smile in my voice?
— it’s as if we simply set the phone down for a minute
& we’re picking up the same conversation we’ve had a million times before.
& my sister & i are buds again.

she’s the makeup artist.

& it’s kind of messed-up, don’t you think? but, that’s how it’s always been done. especially the part where there’s no, “i’m sorry.” but, maybe that’s okay. i mean, we were taught to never tell a lie. if george washington would’ve chopped down the cherry tree in our front yard, you wouldn’t want to be on the premises, trust me.

but, how about addressing the problem, talking things out — you know, like a constructive, grown-up conversation? oh, hell no! nowadays, parents say, “use your words,” which i find totally annoying & i want to pinch their ninny little heads off… but, you see, no one in my family is confrontational. what we had was more like a hit & run protocol. probably sounds strange, but then, maybe it doesn’t — you decide.

&, something else — in all these years, it’s always my sister who initiates these makeup calls. she’s kind of a hot-head, & i’m what you’d call the roll-over type, but you probably figured that out already, but here’s the thing — when we’re finally talking again, neither of us wants to spoil it. bringing up the reason we haven’t been talking opens the possibility of another 3-month silent period, so where’s the sense in that? besides, saying ugly words to each other is off limits — it’s our sister-code. ugly words, we reserve those for our mother. not the really bad ones we’d whisper to each other in our bathroom when we were growing up — i mean, come on — it’s kind of lousy to say things like that about a white-haired, 5-foot-tall octogenarian.

anyway, i’d like to say my sister calls when it finally gets to the point where she misses me more than she’s mad at me, which sounds all warm & fuzzy, but deep down, i know the true reason.

without me around, it’d be just her & our mom.

god, i love my sister.

you’re wondering something, aren’t you? who’s older? it might surprise you.

let’s see if you guess right in the comments below.

5 responses

  1. Johnny Depp???????????? NOOOOOOOOO
    Jon Hamm, Jason Stackhouse, Matt Bomer, Jason Bourne, James Bond, Christian Bale… and NO, not just the make up… ugh!

    All of us are hit and run, sweep it under the rug, that’s the FAMILY MOTTO!
    And i lov all the crazy ones, particularly the short older one. AND Claire, always know where she stands. And even if I did not know the truth, I would pick Claire to be older, but I don’t think you want to know why 🙂

    Like

Tell me what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Final Curtain

MUSINGS: Author - Books - The World

carpentercenterfreedomdance

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

How do we feed the world's starving

We feed billions of people in need, this is how.

Charles Dowdy

Husband, father, broadcaster

Living my life as a Empath.

Highly Sensitive Empath

The Seashell Girl...

my name is Pam and i am a shellunatic

write meg!

Another take on writing, reading, loving -- and eating

Dysfunctional Literacy

Just because you CAN read Moby Dick doesn't mean you should.

BookPeople's Blog

Austin's largest independent bookstore since 1970 - 603 N. Lamar Blvd.

Eleventh Stack

A books, movies, and more blog from the staff at the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh - Main.

The Password is Swordfish

Ruminations on Film, Life, and the Unimportant Things In Between

Mr. Library Dude

Blogging about libraries, technology, teaching, and more

Bennythomas's Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Ned's Blog

Humor at the Speed of Life

Bri Bruce Productions

Design | Publishing | Photography | Art

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

Reading on a Rainy Day

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Bibliotica

...because books are portable magic.

A Bookish Affair

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Broken Teepee

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Dwell in Possibility

Book Reviews for Inquiring Minds

Wall-to-Wall Books

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Mom in Love with Fiction

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

cupcake's book cupboard

... because there is no such thing as too many books ...

Bert's Book Review Blog

Just another book junkie giving his two cents on the written word.

Breitbart News

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Layers of Thought

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Peppermint Ph.D. Reading...Writing...Recovery

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

The Pulpwood Queen's Book Club

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Stuart Sheldon

Art ~ Humor ~ Life

Frank The Movie Watcher, Book Lover, Pop Culture Fan

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

FN Dish – Food Network Blog

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Social Triggers

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Marie Forleo

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Mollytopia

Fabulously Refined/Wildy Inappropriate

%d bloggers like this: