procrastination & prayer

procrastination & prayer

forgive me, oh blog followers. this is my 1st blog post in 3 weeks & i apologize. i really do.

it’s just that procrastination is my nemesis. i find myself putting off new blog posts because they take so damn much time.

but, i learned something important today that i need to tell you about. it’s about control, i guess you could say.

control as it relates to prayer.

there’s a heartbreaking tragedy going on in someone’s life who’s close to me right now. a dear friend – her brother was in a crazy freak accident, bitten by a rattlesnake of all things after finishing a 5-mile run on the exercise trail behind the hospital where he works. venom went straight into his vein & pumped through his body at an astronomical speed. none of it makes sense. it’s all just so bizarre.

the man is a father, a husband, a brother, a son. a surgeon. in fact, it was between surgeries when he took his run. he’s been on life support & a respirator for coming on a week now. they found a second set of bite marks – not just on his ankle, but his wrist, too. & now, pneumonia has set in. just where it’s all going — well, who knows really? God does, i suppose.

of course, He does.

i’ve been overcome with sadness – so sad for my friend his sister, his dad, his wife & kids. his patients, present & future. a tremendous sadness like one i’ve never felt. so many tears. it’s been all i think about.

the prayers i’ve said – what i’ve said… please God, save his life. his work here on earth isn’t finished. Jesus, raise him up like Lazarus — i know you can. he’s got so much more to do.

struggling, i called another friend this morning. my special phone-friend who helps me talk through difficult things. he’s the kind of person who’s a real truth meter, who i feel safe telling anything to.

SPOILER ALERT — i’m one those “woo-woo” people. i guess you could say i have an open-minded approach to things i don’t understand, & if that’s a turn-off to some people — sorry. but, writing this blog, i’ve got to keep it real. know what i mean?

so, i told him everything i’ve just told you. plus, that with how i’m so consumed with it, it’s like i’m involved on such a personal level. my friend’s brother & i knew each other in college. not well — she was my roommate & he would come to visit, but i was always super-crazy about him. he was her younger brother, for heavens sake, so don’t get the wrong idea. but there was something there. i’m not sure what, but it was something.

these overwhelming feelings of mine have to do with a past-life experience between us. i know it sounds weird, i can’t explain it & i can’t prove it, but it came over me with such sudden intensity, i knew it sure as chocolate when the words spilled out of my mouth to my friend on the phone.

i also felt like this past-life thing between my roommate’s brother & me, my overwhelming feelings have to do with the fact that i was unable to save him before. unable to get there on time. like i said — something. something deeper. it was personal.

praying – more like demanding that God save his life, my trying to impose my will on roommate’s brother, how do i know what his will is for himself? And, what God’s will is for him?

i don’t. it’s none of my business, really. it’s their business. together.

& as soon as my phone-friend helped me understand this, i was able to give up my wanting to control. it wasn’t immediate. it took a little while because i really want him to live. & i’m pretty stubborn.

but, a feeling of peace & calm came over me. it’s what i’ve felt ever since.

control. i have none. over anyone but myself.

in case you think i’m giving up on prayer — not a chance. those things i don’t understand, i’m not always going to. faith. trust. it’s what i have for now.

His will be done.

love letter

love letter

here’s what an old friend said when i asked if they’d be attending our 25-year class reunion.

“if I wanted to see any of those people, i’d be doing it already, so why spoil it now?”

what a snotty comment to make, i thought to myself. well, okay – it’s not like i’m exactly going to be nominated for the dali lama award either, because with regard to a few choice people, i understood completely what this friend was talking about…

but, may i also mention that this friend is also a “facebook holdout?”

so, what’s THAT about?

part of the reason… well, let’s be honest — i wasn’t especially clamoring for a seat on the facebook bandwagon myself.

i remember the 1st time i heard about it.

“so, it’s this awesome connectivity website.” someone told me with breathless excitement, “where you put pictures & stuff on there about yourself!!!!”

“are you crazy?” i said. “i don’t want people knowing all my personal crap, & i SURE don’t want them looking @ my picture!”

& i wasn’t just talking about sexual deviants & serial killers — the whole “peeping tom” aspect in general bugged me. what i looked like, what i was up to, & what my personal views were on any given subject, not to mention my DOB was frankly, nobody’s stinking business. when people kept nudging me, i’d smile pleasantly & say, “yeah, yeah, i’ll get around to it.”

like never.

then, someone said one day, “hey, i saw your facebook page.”

“whatttttt??? that’s impossible. i didn’t put anything on there!”

“well, i guess someone did it for you,” they said.

& the picture looked nothing like me at all….

mystery man

a disgruntled member of this new facebook club, i’d shake my head at the people who’d post every time they went to the bathroom. are these people that bored, i thought, or what? seemed like every photo was either someone’s stupid cat, a unicorn or a rainbow. assorted inspirational drivel & the occasional rant about obama or quote from ann richards. took me about a year to give my 1st

like thumb

i’ve never exactly been a wallflower, so i finally decided to be a sport & shifted from voyeur to actual comment-er. messaged with cool people i hadn’t talked to in forever, but my “presence” wasn’t especially heavy-duty.

then, something strange happened.

a sweet old friend from high school who was kind of one of those bathroom-posters, well, her little grandson came early – super early. a very preemie-preemie in a life-or-death situation. everyone was riveted, watching picture after picture of the tiny little guy with an oxygen tube & IV’s sticking out of him. every one of her updates had over a hundred likes & comments. she asked for prayers & she got them. from all of us. even when i wasn’t online, i would think about them; i really came to adore him, & her, too.

& i realized something. this tiny little guy was a connector. he brought all of these people together toward a common goal. it was phenomenal, really. it truly was. & you know what? he got better. photo-by-photo, day-by-day, but he did, & now my friend’s posts are of him playing with a huge, belly-laugh-smile on his face. & he’s just so damn cute. had all of these people’s prayers worked?

yes.

& as he got better, i felt like i did, too. everybody did.

the power of facebook

& the power of love.

so, that’s why I’m writing this LOVE LETTER.

it’s a love letter to facebook, definitely, but it’s also a love letter to all of my old & dear friends who’ve welcomed me back into their lives.

i’m just so grateful for all the love & support you’ve given me.

in case you’re reading this, thank you. really & truly, thank you.

see you tomorrow on facebook, i hope.

i wouldn’t miss it.

TTFN

The Final Curtain

MUSINGS: Author - Books - The World

carpentercenterfreedomdance

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

How do we feed the world's starving

We feed billions of people in need, this is how.

Charles Dowdy

Husband, father, broadcaster

Living my life as a Empath.

Highly Sensitive Empath

The Seashell Girl...

my name is Pam and i am a shellunatic

write meg!

Another take on writing, reading, loving -- and eating

Dysfunctional Literacy

Just because you CAN read Moby Dick doesn't mean you should.

bookpeopleblog.wordpress.com/

Howdy! We're the largest independent bookstore in Texas. This is our blog.

Eleventh Stack

A books, movies, and more blog from the staff at the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh - Main.

The Password is Swordfish

Ruminations on Film, Life, and the Unimportant Things In Between

Mr. Library Dude

Blogging about libraries, technology, teaching, and more

Bennythomas's Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Ned's Blog

Humor at the Speed of Life

Bri Bruce Productions

Design | Publishing | Photography | Art

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

Reading on a Rainy Day

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Bibliotica

...because books are portable magic.

A Bookish Affair

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Broken Teepee

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Dwell in Possibility

Book Reviews for Inquiring Minds

Wall-to-Wall Books

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Mom in Love with Fiction

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

cupcake's book cupboard

... because there is no such thing as too many books ...

Bert's Book Review Blog

Just another book junkie giving his two cents on the written word.

Breitbart News

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Layers of Thought

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Peppermint Ph.D. Reading...Writing...Recovery

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

The Pulpwood Queen's Book Club

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Stuart Sheldon

Art ~ Humor ~ Life

Frank The Movie Watcher, Book Lover, Pop Culture Fan

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

FN Dish – Food Network Blog

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Social Triggers

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Marie Forleo

....... and, i'm the woman for the job

Mollytopia

Fabulously Refined/Wildy Inappropriate