i check dear abby everyday & this morning, she finally had something i can work with.

this woman’s been married to the “love of her life” for eight years. Great husband, father & provider except there’s one problem: he bathes once a week & brushes his teeth even less often than that. that’s two problems, i guess.

he makes the move on her & she’s so totally grossed out she can’t go there. she’s tried “making bath time fun” — i think i catch her drift but the thought of his raunchy, greasy hair stuck to the bar of soap kinda kills it for me. anyway, she says she’s not up for the rub-a-dub-dub routine every night.

she doesn’t mince words. even spills the beans on what everybody else has been saying about his nastiness. nothing works. she’s a clean person & keeps hoping he’s going to follow her lead. advice, she asks?

just so you know, gentle reader i don’t read abby’s advice before giving mine, so here we go.

dear holding my nose in idaho,

did you ever see that episode of i love lucy, the one where she & ricky are in a huge fight & she draws a line down the middle of the apartment, straight through their bedroom?

you’ve got to set down the gauntlet, girl.

next wash day, change your side of the bed only. that’s right, just leave his nasty, stinky sheets on there. stop washing his clothes. stop dropping his suits @ the cleaners. feed him on dirty dishes. serve his coffee in the same crusty mug. don’t wash his bathroom sink. i’d say don’t windex the toothpaste off his side of the mirror, but i don’t see where that’s an issue.

you’ve got to be hard core on this or it’s never going to work.

so, what does dear abby have to say?

give me a second to read it.

okay, I’m back.

lame & useless.

if he has the energy to make advances @ the end of a long workday, he should have enough energy to bathe & brush his teeth. unless you plan on wearing a clothespin on your nose during marital relations, you should insist upon it.

abby, are you smoking weed? what do you think she’s been doing, you dolt???

how does abby keep her job? i don’t get it.

word’s going to get around about beingmarthalouisehunter.com & the phone’s going to start ringing. just saying…

TTFN

for those of you who’re new around here, that’s tigger-speak for “ta-ta for now.”